Life has been moving so fast, so many things to be accomplished at once its overwhelming. It makes my stomach twist and before I know it those moments are gone, where did they go, where did my time go.

I'm sick of mountains being made out of molehills, I want to enjoy my time instead of harping on things on which may suck, cause a huge argument only to be forgotten on what the whole premise of the argument was in the next few days. While yes, there are certain things in life which inevitability will exhaust you, make you yell, scream, want to break someones neck.. get your two cents in and leave it at that. Why harp on it after the fact, why make the issue an issue if there is a resolution to it or whats been done is already done. There is no point, you will make yourself ill and make the other person involved sick and tired of listening to you. Take time, cool off ,and be happy things aren't worse/there is an end in sight. NO MORE PITY PARTIES NO MORE BULLSHIT.

right- in accordance with what is good, proper, or just.

vs

wrong- not in accordance with what is morally right or good.

Is this not all just a matter of opinion? How can one point a finger at a person in disapproval or pat another person on the back in encouragement? It's all based on morals/the way we grew up, what we were fed as a child/what we've seen and were taught. We were given a standard list to be obied by and if we happen to possess a threat to that system we are convicted of wrong doing. As each generation passes people are becoming more lax and accepting of certain ideas that use to be "wrong" or maybe we are stuck in our own self absorbed, ignorant fantasy land that we don't even have time to think twice about what others are doing so we simply just overlook it. Or perhaps we like to think we are growing into a more tolerable/accepting society. Possibly, it's a bit of both. I personally feel I can empathize with peoples what I consider to be wrong doings but can't fully accept them as being just, although I can look past it, I would never live a life such as theirs. So living life the right vs wrong way is essentially up to the person living that life, you set your own standards.

so many ups, so many downs.
im walking on eggshells with my barefeet.

I went for a walk tonight, smoked two ciggarettes contemplated my life the past, future, and present. I looked at the stars thinking how tiny my life is and how insignifigant all these problems seem to be. I needed sometime alone, I thought about faith about my path and where I seemed to be headed. I asked god for a sign knowing he's no houdini. I thought about people in my life and those who weren't anymore. I thought about love. I considered my lifes passions, dreams and those obstacles that wouldnt allow me to pave a path toward them. I reflexed on how I always feel the need to help someone leaving me wonder why all of these people end up at my doorstep just to leave me treading through high waters in hopes of reaching land. I thought about giving up.

"People who are truly in love control their anger when the other displeases them. We are all human, and all humans feel anger periodically, but we only express our anger in destructive ways when we counting on someone else to meet our needs. "

"People who truly love each other treat their mates with absolute trust. Some husbands and wives torment themselves with groundless suspicions. If you look for trouble you will find it every time. "

"People who truly love look forward to their relationship growing more meaningful and precious. They have hope. Which is an attitude that happily anticipates the good. It isn't being blind and denies there are problems, but it does look beyond the problems. People who truly love each other do not allow their problems to rob them of their happiness. "

field is blank

I have developed some trust issues.. I don't know whats the truth anymore, I'm at that point where I feel whatever comes out of someones mouth is a load of bullshit. I've always tried not to go and be bitter but I feel as if my backs against the wall, I think it's just a coping mechanism for the time being until some things get sorted out. I want the best in my life like everyone else, thought i found what would be the reason behind my drive, now the reason is my own well being. The worst thing you could do is live a lie and even worse is to set yourself up for that ignorance. I've given some thought to packing up my bags without informing anyone and heading to Florida to clear my head for awhile, I would love to start school I've been wanting to for the longest time and I feel its time I do something for myself especially if it will better me in the long run. I need time alone right now to think, think about everything that has gone on in the past few years and reflect.

I have a cluttered head right now and what I'm about to write doesnt have to do with any specific time period of my life it's simply a collection of ideas complied into one big rambling blob.

There are things that people I greatly care about do that I tend to make excuses for because i would like to believe them and find them trustowrthy but when I sit and contemplate these mishappenings and seem to find more information that I then confront them with and they deny it coming up with a sub-par story.. it's total bullshit. One of the things i hate most is dishonesty to me that is the end all of all relationships. That seems to be the cause of why i ended any relationship I have ever had with anyone.. friends, family, boyfriends, you name it. Respect, another topic, this is something I have for people until I'm disrespected then I have no respect and I will treat you like the piece of garbage you are and if your lucky I will allow you to earn my respect back.




TO BE CONTINUED...

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